mental spring cleaning

The week before this one I was feeling really good, the weather was nice, I threw a party, I felt I was interacting well with other people. This week was horrible, I felt like I had blown a fuse and by Friday I felt like I was ready to fall apart. I was angry and frustrated, in a sense I felt ready to cry but couldn’t do so. Little things were getting on my nerves, and at some point I hit thrust my phone into my desk so the screen didn’t work properly. Not being a complete idiot, I realized how stupid this was and I started thinking…

Later on I met a friend downtown and we discussed this and some other issues, and he feared I could be developing a stress-induced bipolar-disorder, which wouldn’t be very pleasant, of course. The problem is that whenever I am alone or my social interactions don’t come out they way I want I start feeling down, but whenever I’m out among people and things go well, or I feel I’m having a good time, I relax and things are fine.

Naturally, this entry is friends only. I don’t feel mentally disturbed, but I realize I have worked too much and that I have felt uncomfortable about being single for a long time, in addition, I think that certain issues about a tea-company, a former girlfriend and issues at work have been just set aside in my head rather than to be allowed to come forward and worked through. Perhaps seeing a psychologist is not a bad idea. The irony is that I haven’t had the time to see my doctor, or at least not the time needed to remember to call the doctor and make an appointment.

The whole weekend has felt like a long hang-over and today I feel somewhat better. I have delivered an application for my own job which I hope to get. I felt strange afterwards, I felt I could at last look back and review my accomplishments and feel good about them. I also didn’t feel like going home afterwards. I wanted to sit with someone and just hang in a café for two hours, but noone would have the time right now, I think, or be the right person to do that with. In a sense I felt a need to be with my girlfriend, or the emotion felt a bit like that, I needed to be with someone who made me forget myself, and my stupid worries and just spend time being relaxed and feeling near. Since I have no girlfriend, the whole thing is, as they say, academic.

9 thoughts on “mental spring cleaning

  1. I hope you’re feeling better after the weekend. =)
    I’m not a doctor, but maybe what you’re experiencing is a slight form of social anxiety disorder?
    Either way, talking to a professional will probably help. =)

  2. social anxiety? isn’t that when you’re scared of meeting people? I’m never afraid to go out and stuff.

  3. Wiki says it’s anxiety in social situations in general, which is where I was kinda going with that… =P

  4. You have a point. It’s more like an anxiety based on lack of social interaction. I feel better now, though. I react poorly to stress and there’s been so much of it since christmas. I’m fed up.

  5. I am glad you feel better now :-) If it comes back it would probably be a good idea to see a professional.

  6. My advice is as always real doctors and lot’s of pills, but then again, that’s my solution to most things…

    But you know it’s been documented that therapy works now. Only it doesn’t have to be performed by a trained therapist; a priest or philosopher will do just as fine (the groups tested). So basically talking to someone about your situation may help quite a bit.

    Glad tyo hear your not so down anymore though.

    And also, you must come to my ‘Leaving Bergen’ party, whenever I get the time to arrange that.


  7. I’m not very fond of pills, but I like chatting with philosophers. If I could get someone to arrange a chat in a cafe I’d prefer that to therapy. Therapy sounds nice but expensive. I like to talk. :)

Comments are closed.