The week before this one I was feeling really good, the weather was nice, I threw a party, I felt I was interacting well with other people. This week was horrible, I felt like I had blown a fuse and by Friday I felt like I was ready to fall apart. I was angry and frustrated, in a sense I felt ready to cry but couldn’t do so. Little things were getting on my nerves, and at some point I hit thrust my phone into my desk so the screen didn’t work properly. Not being a complete idiot, I realized how stupid this was and I started thinking…
Later on I met a friend downtown and we discussed this and some other issues, and he feared I could be developing a stress-induced bipolar-disorder, which wouldn’t be very pleasant, of course. The problem is that whenever I am alone or my social interactions don’t come out they way I want I start feeling down, but whenever I’m out among people and things go well, or I feel I’m having a good time, I relax and things are fine.
Naturally, this entry is friends only. I don’t feel mentally disturbed, but I realize I have worked too much and that I have felt uncomfortable about being single for a long time, in addition, I think that certain issues about a tea-company, a former girlfriend and issues at work have been just set aside in my head rather than to be allowed to come forward and worked through. Perhaps seeing a psychologist is not a bad idea. The irony is that I haven’t had the time to see my doctor, or at least not the time needed to remember to call the doctor and make an appointment.
The whole weekend has felt like a long hang-over and today I feel somewhat better. I have delivered an application for my own job which I hope to get. I felt strange afterwards, I felt I could at last look back and review my accomplishments and feel good about them. I also didn’t feel like going home afterwards. I wanted to sit with someone and just hang in a café for two hours, but noone would have the time right now, I think, or be the right person to do that with. In a sense I felt a need to be with my girlfriend, or the emotion felt a bit like that, I needed to be with someone who made me forget myself, and my stupid worries and just spend time being relaxed and feeling near. Since I have no girlfriend, the whole thing is, as they say, academic.